It's a conspiracy

Gday, hi, hows it goin’, wassup ok I’ll stop now. I’m Stuart’s little brother who, as Stuart will readily tell you, I usually do the right thing……………….
But whatever you do don’t believe those coppers who will tell you that I was the intoxicated adolescent who was running naked through a school - at lunch time.
Ok sure I, like many kids my age, have a few drinks here and there (every day) and sure I have scarred many people in one of my many “fun runs” (don’t ask) but haven’t we all?
Is it really fair that I get done for underage drinking while older guys do the exact same thing “legally?” Of course it isn’t. It’s a bloody outrage.
Why should I get arrested just for a harmless finger, without any friends, pointing at someone wearing a blue shirt? It’s not his fault that all his mates were not sober enough to stand up with him. I mean if you arrest me for that you might as well arrest me for farting in a full elevator or watching a full cricket test match at a TV shop.
And what’s with all these little red squiggly lines under every friggin word I type? It all leads up to a government conspiracy. Oh sure they might tell you that the red lines just mean that I’ve spelt something wrong and oh sure they also might tell you that if you want to streak it's only legal in Tasmania, but I can see right through them.
It all equals to the ultimate conspiracy theory… aliens. They are all around us. Even now the government is trying to stop me with their little green lines (I wonder what colour they will do next) but there is no denying how many bourbons I’ve had tonight.
So before you go to bed (if you read this during the day then come up with a solution – you’re a smart person) I want you to think of the poor Aussie soldiers fighting overseas with the incompetent alien tribe who call themselves “Americans.”