Go Australia

Soccer.
Not my favourite sport in the world but I mean how many Aussies can say that they weren’t as happy as hell for the Socceroos after their 32-year drought of not making the finals was over.
It is quite unusual actually for two reasons: 1) We’ve had a very below average year when it comes to sport and 2) I predicted the Socceroos could actually pull it off. Now how good is that, not only does Oz win but I also beat Dad at something (who ridiculed me for backing the Roos).
One person in particular who get Bob's personal thumbs-up (this is a very high honour, about the equivalent of being knighted) is Mark Schwarzer who I think is one of the best goalies the world has ever seen. Now whether that’s because he had some spectacular saves or he’s Aussie and other goalies are crap because they aren’t he’s still one of the best. Well cricket is on at the moment so that’s it from me, enjoy your footy.

Television...

Do you know what I hate?
All those damn news shows like “A Current Affair” or “Today Tonight”, they give me the shits. As if it wasn’t bad enough that they go around trying to ruin the things you love, they also have the nerve to say at the end “Have a good night.”
How can we have a good friggin night when you’ve just told us that what we are having for dinner is going to kill us in a few years? I would rather not know. Like this one night: Do you know what you’re drinking when you have a juice? I had to change the channel right away as juice is just about the only healthy thing I have for lunch now-a-days so naturally I had to keep whatever secret they had from my lunch payer (my old man).
But at least they haven’t sunk as low as reality TV. Big Brother, Australian Idol, Dancing With The Stars (again dammit), The Mole and The Amazing Race are just a few I can name of the top of my head… don’t the networks get it? All the angry mobs actually mean something. I mean if we wanted to watch reality TV we would film ourselves and then laugh at our misfortunes.
But the one which gets my blood boiling is Big Brother. As if being number one in my personal top 10 worst ever shows list wasn't bad enough, it also had the nerve to take the place of my precious Simpson’s. I hope you like being on at 7.00 Mr Big Brother but you will never be as good as the Simpson’s. EVER. Thankfully Everybody Loves Raymond came in and took its rightful place at said time.
(This whole blog was written bourbon free (not alcohol free)... I would like to thank my friend who recommended those AA meetings, they’re working a treat.)

It sucks to be us

How good are our sports people going?
And when I say “good” I mean bad. Just ask any Pom and they will tell you that they “kicked our arses” at cricket, ask any Kiwi and they will tell that they “flogged us” at rugby and ask any Japanese person and they will tell you that Thorpe is the greatest model in the world. And yes I do mean the “swimmer” Ian Thorpe.
This wouldn’t be half as bad if the sports report didn’t regularly tell us this.
THAT’S NOT NEWS!!!
We would rather not hear about our fuck-ups thankyou very much.
At least the league is good. Ah yes I remember when the Melbourne Storm beat the pants off the bragging Broncos haha.
Well apart from a brief mention to the V8’s (good work Skaife, way to hold onto the lead) that’s it from me. (This is my second week without a single bourbon. Damn Kahlua's good).

Today's culture

SONG REVIEW Jesse McCartney – Beautiful Soul

This song is shit.

It's a conspiracy

Gday, hi, hows it goin’, wassup ok I’ll stop now. I’m Stuart’s little brother who, as Stuart will readily tell you, I usually do the right thing……………….
But whatever you do don’t believe those coppers who will tell you that I was the intoxicated adolescent who was running naked through a school - at lunch time.
Ok sure I, like many kids my age, have a few drinks here and there (every day) and sure I have scarred many people in one of my many “fun runs” (don’t ask) but haven’t we all?
Is it really fair that I get done for underage drinking while older guys do the exact same thing “legally?” Of course it isn’t. It’s a bloody outrage.
Why should I get arrested just for a harmless finger, without any friends, pointing at someone wearing a blue shirt? It’s not his fault that all his mates were not sober enough to stand up with him. I mean if you arrest me for that you might as well arrest me for farting in a full elevator or watching a full cricket test match at a TV shop.
And what’s with all these little red squiggly lines under every friggin word I type? It all leads up to a government conspiracy. Oh sure they might tell you that the red lines just mean that I’ve spelt something wrong and oh sure they also might tell you that if you want to streak it's only legal in Tasmania, but I can see right through them.
It all equals to the ultimate conspiracy theory… aliens. They are all around us. Even now the government is trying to stop me with their little green lines (I wonder what colour they will do next) but there is no denying how many bourbons I’ve had tonight.
So before you go to bed (if you read this during the day then come up with a solution – you’re a smart person) I want you to think of the poor Aussie soldiers fighting overseas with the incompetent alien tribe who call themselves “Americans.”